And unfortunately I said some of them to people I care very much about.

After coming home and having time to think.  I realize that I have been somewhat of an ass.

Now I suppose the term “somewhat” is dependent on the point of view of the person I was speaking [...]]]>

I have said some pretty idiotic things today.

And unfortunately I said some of them to people I care very much about.

After coming home and having time to think.  I realize that I have been somewhat of an ass.

Now I suppose the term “somewhat” is dependent on the point of view of the person I was speaking to at the time.

OK so to make a long story short. Yes I got bad news today. Just one more thing in what seems like an endless array of “bad things” that have been sent my way of late. It is too involved here to explain right now, mainly because my hands are killing me and I don’t want to type more than I have to.

And to those of you who have mentioned the “it has to get denied a few times before it is approved” comment I understand this part. But I do thank you for mentioning it because it lets me know you care and best of all that people actually read what I post. lol But there is more to the initial denial than just that. As I said more to it then the obvious. I am sure that those of you that know Red and I well enough will know it all before too long.

As for me well I am and always have been a fighter. Not going to let this go. I have things I need to focus on for the immediate future and worry about the rest later.

But first I want to say something. Not like the above is not something, it is. But just not what I want to say now and to who I wanted to say it.

Man now I am beginning to type like Red. Stream of conscious typing. No structure.. lol

Ok Red, it is you that I want to address this to.

I realized after I dropped you off at school that I had been a total ass. I made you cry because I told you to take back the clothes you bought me because I was worried about expenses. Well in my mind I was right. It was just a gut reaction to natural survival. Shut every non essential down and bring the wagons into a circle.  In my panic I neglected to take into account your feelings and for that I am sorry. I hate to see you cry. It tears my heart up. You are not only my partner Red. you are my best friend, confidant and all that makes me worth knowing.  I have learned more about who I am in the last 10 years with you than I have in the last 56 years I have been on this planet.  If it had not been for you my Love I would not be here now. My life or what I thought was my life ended 10 years ago in Florida. You are the Only thing that stopped me from pursuing one of the stupidest and final mistakes of my life.

I guess what I am trying to say here Red is that I Love you more than life it’s self. And without you there is nothing. You Rock my world on a daily basis. And when I am foolish enough to say or do something that hurts you it rips me apart. So I ask you for your forgiveness and know that I can not promise it won’t happen again. Why? because I am human and I have emotions. But I will sure try to think before I speak in the future.

I Love you All Ways and in All Ways. We will survive.

And as much as I love the Klingon‘s.

Today is Not a good day to die.

Today is a good day to Fight!

To my FaceBook friends. At some point tonight I will log back in and change my photo back and remove the rantings of the lunatic. lol

But until then,

Peace Out

Dragon

Yeah easier said than done.

So for the last 2 days I have been calling my landlord’s maintenance line because the bathroom sink is now leaking, no make that flooding into my basement [...]]]>

Now with all the rest of the bullshit I have going on in my life I still have to maintain and get things done right?

Yeah easier said than done.

So for the last 2 days I have been calling my landlord’s maintenance line because the bathroom sink is now leaking, no make that flooding into my basement and about a dozen tiles including the soap dish have just decided to travel off the wall and make a home in pieces in my bathtub.

Yeah, not so good. I managed to save a lot of things in the basement that were victims of the biblical flood that hit the basement.  Some not so much. But nothing of any real value has been damaged. So we are lucky there.

But I digress. I have been calling for 2 days now to a fucking voice pager and as of now have not heard a bloody peep from him. I am so pissed. Do you have any idea how bloody frustrating it is to get up in the morning, take your shower or bath. Dry off then haul all your other bathroom equipment into the kitchen (which is on the other side of the house) to use the sink? Well let me tell you. It is a pain in the bloody ass.

And then on another note. I was enjoying a fine meal the other day and bit down in the wrong way and broke several of my lower teeth. Now don’t get me wrong I have never been the best on visiting the dentist. I hate them. They scare me more than anything in the world. I can stand a lot of pain in a lot of ways. But the thought of going to a dentist and the sound of the drills and the imagined and real pain brings me to my knees and makes me scream like a little girl.

Now that being said I have to see if I can get into the dentist and get the last of these broken lumps of enamel surgically removed and a bottom plate made for me and have my insurance pay for them before I lose the insurance at the end of the month. There are no appointments for the next 2 months open so I was told this morning to just come in at 7am when they open and see if I can get seen as an emergency case. Then take it from there. I already know from Red’s experience that my dentist can not do anything as he does not do surgery in his office so I have to be forwarded to the surgical center here and then back to the dentist for the plate.

Can I get all this accomplished in less than 2 weeks? Who the fuck knows. But I am sure going to try. So it seems I have to get to the Lawyer at 10 am tomorrow and then I am going to sit in the dentists parking lot on Friday until they  open and see how it goes. Wish me well. I can already hear me screaming from the pain . Oh lord I hate the thought of this. But if I dont do it now I am going to be eating soup for the rest of my life.

Hmm I wonder if I can rent myself out to any and all of my friends to do what ever projects they need done or help with for money?

Well I can and will do anything except the illegal things. lol

But it is a thought. Might be a way to raise rent and utilities money for at least another month.

Any offers or takers out there? I work cheap (LMAO). Just can not do anything that requires talking for a long time (COPD) or any heavy work as the old lungs won’t hack it. And I have a pickup truck ( unless it gets repossessed for non payments). But for now I do have one. So can haul shit as well.

Ahh well tis but a dream. Unless you feel the need and want to help out.

Love to the world it fucking needs it.

Peace Out

Dragon

So I went to their website to see what they had and this is what I found:

======================================

“When [...]]]>

I was told that after my insurance runs out on Oct 31, 2009 that is 18 days from now I should consider continuing my insurance with COBRA Insurance. Never had to deal with them. But have never heard anything good.

So I went to their website to see what they had and this is what I found:

======================================

“When should you continue your group health plan benefits under COBRA?
You should seriously consider continuing your health benefits under COBRA if you…

* have had comprehensive benefits and don’t mind paying more for them.
* want continual, guaranteed coverage at a higher cost.
* have had recent health problems.
* have had ongoing health problems.
* are taking expensive medications.
* have been declined for private insurance recently.
* have a history of medical problems.
* have had an accident within the 60 day window of enrollment.
* are pregnant or planning to get that way.
* got a job and your new employer does not offer a health plan“.

============================================

Now all things considered.

I Understand that COBRA is a LAW not a Medical Insurance Company.

Look at the First qualifier.

“have had comprehensive benefits and don’t mind paying more for them“.

MORE for them???? MORE???

What fucking planet did these bureaucratic money grubbing assholes wake up on?

So let me get this straight.

I just lost my job. I lose my insurance in 18 days. But if I want to keep it then all I have to do is pay MORE and I can keep it.

I did read that correctly didn’t I?

Yes I did!

Where in all that is fucking proper and intelligent do they think I can afford to pay MORE for insurance when I just got terminated?

I mean lets get real here. Without my income we are not going to be able to afford the bills we currently have like rent, food, medications, car, insurance (both car and us) utilities. You know the basic amenities that one actually needs in order to live.

The answer. They don’t fucking care. They do not care if we live or die. Just that they get their overpriced premiums every month.

Yeah I can see that this is not going to bode well.  Let’s hope that the Attorney has something positive to tell me when I go see him on Thursday.

Peace Out

Dragon

And yep you guessed [...]]]>

To say that I am somewhat in mental limbo right now would be putting it mildly. I think I am more leaning towards full blown panic or complete mental collapse. Either way it really does not make a difference as I am going to be up shits creek here in a few weeks.

And yep you guessed it. The paddle is nowhere to be found.

Most of you that know me are aware that in the last 12 months my health has gone from pretty good to 3 steps from crash and burn. In that time I got diagnosed with COPD, got put on medical leave from work and hoped to get treatment and get back to work. Well that has not happened. Not that I did not get treatment. I did. Just that my system has pretty much rejected most all of the medications I have been prescribed. So along with the COPD I have also been diagnosed with “migratory rheumatoid arthritis“.

It seems now that the “migratory rheumatoid arthritis” is running in full swing throughout my body. What that means is that the bastard disease decided that it does not want to settle down anywhere in particular in my body. It is one of the more global travelers. It just chooses a random joint or joints each day when I awake to pulverize me with pain. But it does however seem to favor my hands and wrists.

In the last week I had a very dear friend almost die in my arms. He is only 42. Talk about a smack in the face of my mortality.

My Doctor told me that I might want to begin paperwork to see if I can get Full Disability from SSI as the diagnosis for my problems has only gotten worse. Then I am told that once I start taking the medications for the arthritis I need to be very careful.

“Why”, I asked.

I was told that the medications for treating the type of arthritis I have wreak havoc and severely weaken my immune system. And with my COPD which as well all know is just an acronym for emphysema (lung / breathing problems) I could very well compromise my health more by not being careful.

“Oh fucking  joy”!

So now after all this crap sinks in I realize that any one of the 2 major colds I get each year could potentially be fatal to me.

Then the omnipresent reality starts to creep in as well. I am currently on “long term medical leave” from work due to this. But as much as the company I work for has been there for me in every way I have asked of them. They have supported me 100% from the get go. They in all good conscious can not keep me on the books as an employee much longer. Sooner or later if I can not get back to work they are going to have to let me go. Unfortunately it is more than likely going to be sooner than later.

So there will go my only link to my Doctor and medication as I will lose all the insurance I currently have. And after listening to the news lately it has not convinced me that I am going to get or have any decent health care without it any time in the near future. Well not any that I can afford if I am not employed and the company does not provide it. Because I sure as hell can NOT afford the current medication I am now without it. I mean totaling up the meds I use now without insurance are in the thousands. Even with insurance I pay about 2-3 hundred a month.

But apart from that I have no idea where Red and I are going to end up. Financially this is going to screw us completely. For the last year while all this has been going on we have depleted our savings.  Since I have been on medical leave we have been functioning on only 60% of my salary. So with Red going to school, working and her work in the writing center we just manage to scrape by each month.

Well almost.

As they say, “Shit Happens”, and it is after all Murphys Law, “If anything can go wrong, it will”.  So factor in this variable and we have a house that runs constantly in the deficit. The “Rob Peter to Pay Paul” syndrome. It is not easy but we manage. For now.

I have the most Amazing group of “Phamily, Family and Friends” around me here though.  Support is Great from them all. I LOVE you so much.

But it still does not ease the fears that permeate my mind on a 24 hour basis.

I mean Red and I talk. We talk A LOT. It is one of the  basics foundations  of our relationship.  And she is worried as well. Tries not to show it. But can not fool me girlie. I can see you. We joke a lot about it. But reality is reality. It has made a lot of difference in how we function on a daily basis now. Life changing is what I thought I called it once before. Never realized how much though until now. But we live and learn.

Have a lot to do now to figure out how we are going to make it. What we need to do. Who we need to speak to, paper work, paperwork, paperwork, paperwork, paperwork and did I mention the paperwork.

I have to quit for now. Hand beginning to hurt again and swell more. LOL Makes it damn hard to type.

Peace Out

Dragon