Red Dragon Sanctuary

Apologies to all

I have said some pretty idiotic things today.

And unfortunately I said some of them to people I care very much about.

After coming home and having time to think. I realize that I have been somewhat of an ass.

Now I suppose the term “somewhat” is dependent on the point of view of the person I was speaking to at the time.

OK so to make a long story short. Yes I got bad news today. Just one more thing in what seems like an endless array of “bad things” that have been sent my way of late. It is too involved here to explain right now, mainly because my hands are killing me and I don’t want to type more than I have to.

And to those of you who have mentioned the “it has to get denied a few times before it is approved” comment I understand this part. But I do thank you for mentioning it because it lets me know you care and best of all that people actually read what I post. lol But there is more to the initial denial than just that. As I said more to it then the obvious. I am sure that those of you that know Red and I well enough will know it all before too long.

As for me well I am and always have been a fighter. Not going to let this go. I have things I need to focus on for the immediate future and worry about the rest later.

But first I want to say something. Not like the above is not something, it is. But just not what I want to say now and to who I wanted to say it.

Man now I am beginning to type like Red. Stream of conscious typing. No structure.. lol

Ok Red, it is you that I want to address this to.

I realized after I dropped you off at school that I had been a total ass. I made you cry because I told you to take back the clothes you bought me because I was worried about expenses. Well in my mind I was right. It was just a gut reaction to natural survival. Shut every non essential down and bring the wagons into a circle. In my panic I neglected to take into account your feelings and for that I am sorry. I hate to see you cry. It tears my heart up. You are not only my partner Red. you are my best friend, confidant and all that makes me worth knowing. I have learned more about who I am in the last 10 years with you than I have in the last 56 years I have been on this planet. If it had not been for you my Love I would not be here now. My life or what I thought was my life ended 10 years ago in Florida. You are the Only thing that stopped me from pursuing one of the stupidest and final mistakes of my life.

I guess what I am trying to say here Red is that I Love you more than life it’s self. And without you there is nothing. You Rock my world on a daily basis. And when I am foolish enough to say or do something that hurts you it rips me apart. So I ask you for your forgiveness and know that I can not promise it won’t happen again. Why? because I am human and I have emotions. But I will sure try to think before I speak in the future.

I Love you All Ways and in All Ways. We will survive.

And as much as I love the Klingon’s.

Today is Not a good day to die.

Today is a good day to Fight!

To my FaceBook friends. At some point tonight I will log back in and change my photo back and remove the rantings of the lunatic. lol

But until then,

Peace Out

Dragon

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If it is not one thing it is another

Now with all the rest of the bullshit I have going on in my life I still have to maintain and get things done right?

Yeah easier said than done.

So for the last 2 days I have been calling my landlord’s maintenance line because the bathroom sink is now leaking, no make that flooding into my basement and about a dozen tiles including the soap dish have just decided to travel off the wall and make a home in pieces in my bathtub.

Yeah, not so good. I managed to save a lot of things in the basement that were victims of the biblical flood that hit the basement. Some not so much. But nothing of any real value has been damaged. So we are lucky there.

But I digress. I have been calling for 2 days now to a fucking voice pager and as of now have not heard a bloody peep from him. I am so pissed. Do you have any idea how bloody frustrating it is to get up in the morning, take your shower or bath. Dry off then haul all your other bathroom equipment into the kitchen (which is on the other side of the house) to use the sink? Well let me tell you. It is a pain in the bloody ass.

And then on another note. I was enjoying a fine meal the other day and bit down in the wrong way and broke several of my lower teeth. Now don’t get me wrong I have never been the best on visiting the dentist. I hate them. They scare me more than anything in the world. I can stand a lot of pain in a lot of ways. But the thought of going to a dentist and the sound of the drills and the imagined and real pain brings me to my knees and makes me scream like a little girl.

Now that being said I have to see if I can get into the dentist and get the last of these broken lumps of enamel surgically removed and a bottom plate made for me and have my insurance pay for them before I lose the insurance at the end of the month. There are no appointments for the next 2 months open so I was told this morning to just come in at 7am when they open and see if I can get seen as an emergency case. Then take it from there. I already know from Red’s experience that my dentist can not do anything as he does not do surgery in his office so I have to be forwarded to the surgical center here and then back to the dentist for the plate.

Can I get all this accomplished in less than 2 weeks? Who the fuck knows. But I am sure going to try. So it seems I have to get to the Lawyer at 10 am tomorrow and then I am going to sit in the dentists parking lot on Friday until they open and see how it goes. Wish me well. I can already hear me screaming from the pain . Oh lord I hate the thought of this. But if I dont do it now I am going to be eating soup for the rest of my life.

Hmm I wonder if I can rent myself out to any and all of my friends to do what ever projects they need done or help with for money?

Well I can and will do anything except the illegal things. lol

But it is a thought. Might be a way to raise rent and utilities money for at least another month.

Any offers or takers out there? I work cheap (LMAO). Just can not do anything that requires talking for a long time (COPD) or any heavy work as the old lungs won’t hack it. And I have a pickup truck ( unless it gets repossessed for non payments). But for now I do have one. So can haul shit as well.

Ahh well tis but a dream. Unless you feel the need and want to help out.

Love to the world it fucking needs it.

Peace Out

Dragon

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Medical Insurance Companies SUCK ASS !

I was told that after my insurance runs out on Oct 31, 2009 that is 18 days from now I should consider continuing my insurance with COBRA Insurance. Never had to deal with them. But have never heard anything good.

So I went to their website to see what they had and this is what I found:

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“When should you continue your group health plan benefits under COBRA?
You should seriously consider continuing your health benefits under COBRA if you…

* have had comprehensive benefits and don’t mind paying more for them.
* want continual, guaranteed coverage at a higher cost.
* have had recent health problems.
* have had ongoing health problems.
* are taking expensive medications.
* have been declined for private insurance recently.
* have a history of medical problems.
* have had an accident within the 60 day window of enrollment.
* are pregnant or planning to get that way.
* got a job and your new employer does not offer a health plan“.

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Now all things considered.

I Understand that COBRA is a LAW not a Medical Insurance Company.

Look at the First qualifier.

“have had comprehensive benefits and don’t mind paying more for them“.

MORE for them???? MORE???

What fucking planet did these bureaucratic money grubbing assholes wake up on?

So let me get this straight.

I just lost my job. I lose my insurance in 18 days. But if I want to keep it then all I have to do is pay MORE and I can keep it.

I did read that correctly didn’t I?

Yes I did!

Where in all that is fucking proper and intelligent do they think I can afford to pay MORE for insurance when I just got terminated?

I mean lets get real here. Without my income we are not going to be able to afford the bills we currently have like rent, food, medications, car, insurance (both car and us) utilities. You know the basic amenities that one actually needs in order to live.

The answer. They don’t fucking care. They do not care if we live or die. Just that they get their overpriced premiums every month.

Yeah I can see that this is not going to bode well. Let’s hope that the Attorney has something positive to tell me when I go see him on Thursday.

Peace Out

Dragon

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The Other Shoe Finaly Drops

I knew this day would eventually come. But you always think in the back of your mind that it is ok. You have time to get the things done that need to be done.

Then “BAM!”. The day that you feared is here and you have no bloody idea where to turn.

I got “THE” telephone call this morning from my employer. As of 8AM this morning October 13th, 2009 I have been separated/terminated from my employment due to my continuing health reasons.

I have what I expect to be my last appointment with my Primary Care Doctor on Oct 22, 2009 due to the fact that my Insurance runs out as of Oct 31, 2009. I need to speak to him to see what I can do for my condition when I no longer have access to his services or insurance to offset the fucking exorbitant costs of the medications I am currently on. And if there is or will be any after effects if I have to withdraw from them because I can no longer afford to get them.

I also have an appointment set to speak to a Disability Attorney on Oct 15th, 2009. My biggest fear is that I have no idea how we are going to survive until I either get the disability approved or it is denied. And if it is denied I have no idea what we are going to do. As hard as it is to get a decent paying job today I am sure it is not going to be easy no matter what.

Do I go and file for unemployment? Do I even qualify since I have been on Medical disability leave for the last several months? All these questions and as of right now, no damn answers.

The one thing that almost broke my heart this morning was when I explained to Red what the phone call was about I saw the fear in her face. The only thing she was worried about was me and my medications. What is going to happen to me.

I just wanted to reach out and hug her and tell her it was all going to be OK. I had it all under control and not to worry.

But I couldn’t. And I had to send her off to school with all this rolling around in her head. She doesn’t need the added pressure. She has enough to worry about.

I have since sent her a text to let her know of the last Doctor’s appointment and the appointment with the attorney. I can not imagine it has done anything to ease her fear. It hasn’t eased mine.

The more I read about SSI disability the more I am afraid I will be in the proverbial poor house long before anything is approved. I mean our government is not known for it’s kindness or speed of its employees when it comes to helping people out.

Red and I were just starting to get our lives back in order and things (other than my health) seemed to be falling into place. But now. I fear the worst. But I get told to look on the bright side. OK. Please explain to me just exactly what is this “Bright Side”?

I do as I am told. I follow the rules, I cross my T’s and dot my i’s. I have copied, faxed and written enough paper work to warrant the deforestation of an entire section of the amazon rain forest. Or at least it seems so.

Now comes the worst part of the beginning of this long drawn out fight to live. The waiting until I can speak with those who are supposed to know what I should do and how it is going to happen.

And of course do I look on the bright side? No of course not. But we have yet to see the bright side so I feel comfortable in saying that is why I can not see it. I don’t want to be a pain in anybody’s ass. And I know it is going to get oh so fucking hard in the next few weeks.

I feel more sorry for Red than I do for me. She internalizes so much of what bothers her when she is troubled. She needs to processes and discuss and work it out. So it leads to stress, stress and more stress. Not good for her with all she has to worry about already with school and work and my dumb ass.

Me on the other hand I am a lot more emotional in my worrying. I tend to snap, bitch and just in general be a bitchy, crabby pain in the ass.

So Right here and Now I want to tell you Red. I Apologize for anything I say or do in advance. I LOVE YOU more than anything in the universe. Please my love take that into account before you either kill me or have me committed. (lol)

Seriously though. Right now I am at a loss or a standstill. I have called who I need to and there is not much more I can do. Got all my paperwork in order as well.

Now I just wait. Fuck I hate this…

Peace Out

Dragon

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